As the holidays draw near, there are plenty of subjects considered a little too “taboo” to bring to the dinner table: politics, religion, and, last but not least, death.
Don’t worry, we’re not asking you to start a conversation about funeral arrangements over turkey. But if you’ve signed up to be an organ, eye and tissue donor, it’s extremely important to let them know about your decision to be a donor. Believe it or not, you’re doing them a favor.
Talking about your decision means your family won’t have to guess what you would have wanted later. It gives them a chance to ask questions, understand your decision, and hear directly from you why you chose to give the gift of life.
Why should I tell my family I’m an organ donor?
When you sign up to be an organ, eye, and tissue donor, you are documenting your decision to donate after death. In North Carolina, an adult’s registered donation decision is a legally binding authorization. Even so, your family may be involved in the donation process if donation becomes possible. That’s why having the conversation ahead of time matters.
If you have not signed up as a donor, your next of kin may be asked to make the donation decision on your behalf after your death. But if you have signed up, your family can know that you made this decision for yourself. Knowing what you wanted can help prevent your loved ones from being surprised or having to guess what you would have wanted during an already difficult time.
“Losing my son was the most heartbreaking moment of my life—a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The shock, the grief, the emptiness…it’s hard to put into words. But in the middle of that darkness, I remembered something he had told me with such pride and excitement: that he had signed up to be an organ donor when he got his license. He said, ‘If I can’t be here, I want others to be able to keep living life.’ That was his heart—always thinking of others. There was no hesitation in honoring his decision. Even in his passing, he gave the gift of life.” —Annie B., mother of Holden Trent
What should I tell my family?
You don’t need to have all the answers or explain every detail of the donation process.
Start with the basics:
“I signed up as an organ, eye and tissue donor, and I want you to know why.”
Maybe you know someone who received a transplant. Maybe you’ve seen the impact donation can have on a family. Maybe you simply believe that if you can help someone after your death, you want to do so. There’s no right or wrong reason to become a donor. The important thing is that your family knows you made the decision intentionally.
“Early in my career I had this discussion over a holiday meal with my family. I had seen first-hand families struggle with end-of-life decisions. I wanted my family to have clarity about what I wanted and to know what they wanted. I told them, ‘I’m a registered organ donor, and I want to know if you are, too.’” – Gretchen Martin, Manager, Family Services
What if my family doesn’t agree with my decision?
Your family may have questions or concerns about donation. They may not understand what the process involves, or they may simply need time to understand why you made this choice. That’s another reason to have the conversation before a crisis.
Talking about your decision ahead of time gives your family the opportunity to ask questions, understand your decision, and hear from you directly.
“My team and I work across North Carolina to support families when someone is eligible to be an organ donor. Many families have never discussed donation before, and then in a crisis are faced with this decision. Having this discussion with your family does not make the end-of-life process easier, but it does provide a clear path forward.” – Gretchen Martin, Manager, Family Services
What if I’m not signed up yet?
Talking with your family can be a first step if you’re still deciding whether organ donation is right for you, but don’t base your decision on secondhand information from family and friends. Always do your research and get the facts from a trusted source so you can make an informed decision.
If you decide to become a donor, you can sign up on our website, at the DMV, or through the Health app on an iPhone. If you change your mind later, you can update your donor registration.
One conversation can make a difference
Only about 1% of people die in circumstances that allow for organ donation after death, which makes every potential donor important.
75 or more lives can be saved and healed by one organ, eye, and tissue donor.
But before donation can make an impact on others, your decision needs to be known.
“If we use our voices and tell our families what we want, it will help them during the hardest time of their lives. Don’t let your loved ones say, ‘I don’t know what they wanted.’ Take that off the table and help them by telling them now. We all feel like we’re 10 feet tall and bulletproof, and we’re going to be here forever, but we’re not. Fill up this brief life, this amazing, fabulous journey you’re on, but please, tell your loved ones what you want to happen at the end. It will not only comfort them, but you have the potential to save many lives. And wow, what a legacy is that!” —Stormie Murtie, Living Donor, Recipient Family Member, and Donation Advocate