As a funeral director, Stephen Grace considers it an honor to care for donor families at Cumby Family Funeral Service in High Point and Archdale, North Carolina. As a heart transplant recipient who is alive today because another family said “yes” to donation, he is also a living example of the hope their loved one’s gift can make possible.
“I want the families to see the impact their decision can have,” said Stephen. “I want them to know that their loved one is a hero.”
Stephen, a husband and father of two, was born with a hole in his heart. Throughout his childhood and early adulthood, he relied on a series of pacemakers to keep his heart beating. But in 2014, while still in his twenties, his condition progressed to chronic systolic heart failure. After that, he was treated with different medicines and told a transplant might be in his future. In 2017, he was officially added to the transplant waiting list.
“Before the transplant, I got to the point where I couldn’t really play with my daughter as much as I would like to,” recalled Stephen. “I was very tired. I couldn’t be very physical or active. Stairs and hills were very hard. I worked in the restaurant industry for years, and I was on my feet all of the time. I was probably working 50-60 hours a week while still in heart failure. Lifting and carrying all the equipment and food, I just couldn’t do it anymore. In late 2018, I had to stop working and go on disability.”
On April 18, 2020, during the height of the pandemic, Stephen received a call from Duke that a donor heart was available.
“I got the call really early in the morning,” said Stephen. “I’m a believer, so I knew it was an answer to prayer. I was scared, excited, and nervous. At the time, I had a 7-year-old and a 1-year-old, and all I could think about was sticking around for them.”
Stephen went into surgery the next night and received his new heart in the early hours of April 20. Incredibly, the heart that he received had been in two others before him within a 48-hour span.
“After the original donor passed, the heart was a perfect match for me and somebody else who was higher on the list than I was at the time,” said Stephen. “The transplant team had to give it to the other person, but within 24 hours that person suffered a massive stroke. The heart was still perfect, so the family gave the transplant team permission to take the heart and donate it to me. At that moment, they became a part of my story.”
Stephen says that he would love to sit in the room with both of his donor families; the family of the original donor, and the family of the recipient who graciously passed the heart along after their loved one passed 24 hours after surgery.
“The first thing I would say to them would be thank you,” said Stephen. “Thank you for allowing your loved ones to be my heroes. I will strive to honor their gift the best way that I can.”
Stephen honors that gift every day through his work in the funeral industry, a career he pursued following his transplant. By serving families during some of life’s most difficult moments, he strives to extend the same compassion that was shown to him.
“I knew that God’s design for me was to help people,” said Stephen. “We treat every person who comes into our funeral home—and every family we serve—with the utmost respect. I’ve met with several donor families who were grateful to hear my story as a recipient, but there was one donor in particular who was about my age. Like me, he had heart failure and two little girls. It really hit home. When I met his wife, I was able to share my story and present her with the donor medal from HonorBridge. It seemed to bring her some comfort, and ultimately, that’s my goal.”
Today, Stephen is doing well and no longer lives with the constant fear that each day could be his last.
“Just like anybody else, I don’t know when my time is going to come, but it’s not on the forefront of my mind anymore,” said Stephen. “The doctors gave my new heart about 20 years, and I’m six years in. Will I make it to 50? I don’t know, but I’m not going to worry about it. I have so much to look forward to. My oldest daughter just turned 14, so I get to be there for her first boyfriend, her first car, and her high school graduation. My youngest is about to turn 8 in September, so she’ll soon finish elementary school and become a preteen. Because of my donors, I get to be there for all of those moments.”
Professionally, Stephen hopes to use his unique perspective as both a funeral director and a heart transplant recipient to strengthen the relationship between funeral homes and HonorBridge. Having experienced the lifesaving impact of donation firsthand, he believes funeral professionals play an important role in honoring donors and supporting the families who make those gifts possible.
“I want to find a way to communicate to other funeral directors, statewide and nationally, that donation is worth the extra effort or additional time it may add to a case,” said Stephen. “I ask that they look at the bigger picture and see the sacrifices donor families have made. These are heroes. We can’t forget that.”